sabato 4 maggio 2013

Back from the lethargy

Hi, folks. As you've seen, I'm back.
I know, I'm late. I thought I'd have been back before may, but it's the 4th, so... well, now I'm here.
I just realized it isn't so easy to write in English when you have to give vent to your thoughts quickly, but I'm here to improve.
Whatever, here life is more boring than ever, but spring finally arrived. I'm going to a photography class and I'm learning a lot of useful things about how to control light, focus etc.

No hate, please. This is just a silly photo I took for the class, but I love it
so I made it my screensaver.

But let's summarize what happened during this last month.

My co-writer sacked me. To be honest, I told her I didn't like our story very much, so we decided to break up. I've been stupid and disappointing, but, I have to tell you!, I'm sooo happy with this.
I won't have to force my inspiration to write senseless chapters anymore.
I recently started writing my first novel -- oh, it sounds really professional -- and it seems it will be a pretty bittersweet experience. I revise and rewrite a bit too much and even writing the drafts is an extremely long work. But I'm happy with this, too. I love the story I created and how I characterized my characters. (?)
And, although I don't have much time or will of perseverance or love for writing (I'll explain this later), I'm working on something else.
You have to know I have three main writing projects. I haven't decided their titles yet, and I don't want to give them "spoiler" nicknames, so their code names, that I use in my real life (what?) too, are Kid A, Kid B and Kid C, and thanks to Radiohead for the idea.
I'm starting from the third, Kid C, that is the younger of my children, but I'm writing something about my second kid, Kid B, and developing philosophical/idealist/sci-fi/everything topics for the first, Kid A.
And I'm writing short stories, too.
I mean, I'm spending my whole life in a neurons/circuits world, shouldn't I draw something useful out of it?

I stole the wrong hearts -- I'll explain this later, too. (Hey, we're summarizing.) It's not romantic as it seems, it's as queer as I am. And it's a bit painful.

I won't be able to talk to a psychologist until this autumn. We don't have money enough to pay someone to help me dealing with my evident mood disorders. It could sound cruel, but it's not. (And I don't know why but my mother doesn't want me to go to a public institution psychologist. I guess she thinks it's too mainstream.)

I'm definitely tired of being so young. I grew up too fast, and now I have to pay the consequences. During 2012 I thought as much as a normal (again: what?) thirty-year-old could have done in their life -- I thought instead of doing, I thought instead of feeling, instead of eating, of sleeping, moving, breathing, living. I have so many unexpressed theories my brain could blow.
And, it's strange to say it, but I keep overthinking, and I think that if I'll try not to make it painful it will become my functional and unique way of living.
But, as a teen grown up too fast, it will probably be hard to live at peace with myself.
Because, remember this pls, I'm too empathetic to hate anyone (oh, you know I love the whole world, even the neighbour of mine who breaks my imaginary balls at the bitter end), but too damn idiot not to ruin my life with depression.

Music is the only thing that works in my life. Everything else turns boring too fast. Music never does.

Whatever, I'll start a series of posts called Queer works in mysterious ways. Having a common thread will  surely help me to explain queerish things -- gender identity, pronouns, interpersonal relation, life philosophy, labels, et cetera -- in this beautiful but new language.

Well, we've finished here. I hope my italian followers won't be annoyed if I switched to English -- please try to understand, I have only four years left to improve my speaking before I move to England or to USA!

Morgan (Yes, I changed my name again.)

4 commenti:

Jaqueline ha detto...

Ma quanto è difficile leggere in inglese! Le comprensioni sul mio libro di inglese sono più facili XD
Comunque buona fortuna per il romanzo e per i racconti :)

P.s. il concerto dei Radiohead manca anche a me, purtroppo T.T

Anto ha detto...

It's not a problem, I manage to undersand english a bit and so... xD
Va bene, sono abbastanza portata per l'inglese, circa e non è un problema, comunque, sai che me l'aspettavo quella cosa del romanzo a due? Io ho sempre pensato che sarebbe stato bellissimo fare un romanzo a due, ma alla fine abbandonerei perché la storia non andrebbe avanti come io vorrei e sono fin troppo egoista per lasciare che qualcuno entri nelle mie storie, quindi no xD

Morgan ha detto...

Grazie mille!
Triste, vero? Non so se riuscirò ad aspettare quel mezzo milione di anni che mi separano da un biglietto per i RH... ç_ç

Ecco, precisamente! Io ero partit* con la fantastica idea di fare uno sciocco esperimento -- d'altronde la ragazza che avevo contattato aveva detto sin da subito che sarebbe stata una storia romantica -- ma non avevo messo in conto né il non avere il totale controllo, né il poco tempo per scrivere che mi è rimasto da quando sono al liceo.
Insomma, è andata così. La prossima volta ci penserò due volte prima di gettarmi a capofitto in queste imprese... ^^" (Anche perché Tizia c'è davvero rimasta male.)

Anonimo ha detto...

Il mio inglese sta perdendo smalto! :(